The film, "The Orange Man Destroys Washington, DC"

The Trumpty Dumpty Report

    There is a new film coming to your neighborhood theater. It’s called “The Orange Man Destroyed Washington, DC”. The Orange Man came out of a deep, fetid cave carved deep under Gotham City far below Trump Tower’s tunnel network.

    Far within those dark and damp and smelly caves, the Orange Man planned a fake news takeover of the nation and win a place of power by recruiting foul and dirty Russian comrades from deep beneath the Kremlin living in their tunnels and caves where they were kept away from the common person on their surface.

    The surface was filled with mean and hateful trolls who wore Orange Man’s red hats as a symbol of their gullibility and ignorance. They followed wherever he went. He had his well dressed, but decaying Klan join him, otherwise, the Orange Man would not be able to function at all. He would wander off looking for pointy headed white sheet dressed people to play with in the dirt. His own genetically mutated Klan would not allow that so they had to manage him whenever possible. His zombie wife was kept subdued and fed dead cats and dogs to keep her quiet. Under her shell, she had totally decayed from living on the surface with the Orange Man.

    He was joined by the Pez Dispenser Man with short white hair. His hands were always sticky so he kept them in his pockets so things wouldn’t dirty them up. He needed his hands to always be pure. Being sticky was a real problem for him. When you pulled his head back only white shiny blocks of supremely smelly lard came out. He was kept behind the Orange Man just in case he fell backward so that the Pez Man was present to catch him. That was basically the only thing the Pez Man was there to do. The Orange Man was a Yuuge lump of lard which he teleported into the Pez Man in order for the Pez Dispenser Man to make his blocks of lard so he could pass them out to their team of swamp lizards surrounding them to consume.

    The Orange Man was seriously showing signs of mental decay from being on the surface for far too long a time. He would force people on the surface from doing their jobs because he desired a symbol of his power which he called a big, beautiful, and Yuuge southern border wall to keep out all the bad brown people. He wanted it painted orange. He demanded it be painted orange, otherwise, no one would be able to return to work and live their lives again.

    He knew he would have to return to his fetid cave network at some point, and he wanted a symbol of his time on the surface to always be seen so the orange southern border wall made of concrete, or steel slats, which ever would be decided upon, to be built in his name. He wanted it to be very, very, very, very big and long, but others believed it should be very, very, very short and stubby and possibly a bit on the crooked side.

    The film had more fighting than story. Most of the story was faked anyway. The screenwriter used very simple and often misspoken words in fragmented sentences whenever the Orange Man spoke. The Orange Man became very boring as the film progressed.

    It was given 5 Rotten Tomatoes.