Trump's New Years Eve Message

The Trumpty Dumpty Report

    President Donnie Demented told Democrats, “Come Back!! Come Back!!! I am here in the Oval Office all alone. I am home alone. Sad. Sad! Democrats, if I am here, then you too must come back, and keep me company. You see, I am the PRESIDENT! I am the boss. I am the king. Come back and we can watch Aquaman in the White House theater. Free popcorn for everyone!!”

     “I order you to return, to come back to Washington.” “Give me my wall. Build that wall. Build that wall. My big, beautiful wall”, the Cretin chants as he roams the halls of the White House in his Space Force jammies.

    General Kelly, as he prepares to exit his post as Donnie Demento’s Chief of Staff, said that the President abandoned a concrete wall early in his occupancy of the Oval Office, while pretending to be a real president.”

    Vice President Pence attempted to sit down with Chuck Schumer to discuss a solution to wall and security funding. The problem was Chuck Schumer sat with a guy who doesn’t live in the 21^st century, but still lives in a parochial 1950s. He has no idea that time has moved forward from 1950. Schumer said, “I don’t have a time machine in order to go back to a time where Pence is living. We could not connect in any way. He doesn’t live in the same reality.”

    Democrats have agreed to budget $1.5B for border security and wall infrastructure. The Cretin wants much, much more.

    Donnie Demented whined that he was still in Washington and not in Florida where he prefers to be. He would rather play golf, and schmooze with his pals than doing the job of president.

   As the Cretin prepares for his New Years address to the nation, he is proclaiming victory against ISIS in Iraq and Syria. He is preparing to tell Americans, “I am pulling out now. I will pull out.” This is what he told Stormy Daniels, as well.

    ISIS’s territorial control has been reduced. They probably have gone underground. Once the U.S. military leaves, the remaining dispersed terrorists will re-form and attempt to retake what they have lost. Cretin wants local fighters to gather momentum and remain strong against ISIS fighters. Putin will be very happy to see the U.S. leave the area so he can remain the kingmaker in Syria.

    There is a never-ending story swirling around this guy pretending to be president. 2019 will begin with many changes. A Democratic House of Representatives will take their seats at the table. Paul Ryan will be heading back to the farm. Nancy Pelosi will take charge. Generals Mattis and Kelly will be gone, too. Democrats are forming exploratory 2020 presidential committees hoping to raise money in order to sustain a presidential run.

    General Mattis told the soldiers stationed around the world, “Keep the faith in our country.” This message pertains to us all. Keep the faith that our nation embodies. The Cretin does not embody those values and strengths. Therefore, we must keep the faith that holds this nation together.