America’s Trumpty Dumpty President

The Trumpster Dumpster Report

    President Trump boarded Air Force 1 leaving the Armistice Day celebration shunning a European ally walk-together honoring the sacrifice of soldiers who died in WW1. It was overheard by French citizens that “President Trump decided to pack up his bag, stuff his Make America Great Again red hat into his black clown coat pocket and go home. No one wanted to talk or play with him. Bully Boy felt he was ganged up on. Let him cry and storm off back to his cave in the White House.”

    Trump railed on how the U.S. supports the E.U.’s military with a U.S. protection force. “They need to pay us much more for our support. They’re freeloaders. Otherwise, they should build their own protection forces.”

    Macron responded by saying, ”We need to consider building our own military force that could defend against a Russian attack.”

    It was reported that the president was angry. “How dare Macron agree with me. That’s not how it was supposed to go!”

    President Macron told the world that nationalism is the betrayal of patriotism. Nationalism “are old demons are coming back to wreak chaos and death. He clearly implied that Trump’s incitement of hate and racism, in spite of Trump’s former advisor and pal, Steve Bannon, who is fueling white nationalism in Europe, and the United States, is unacceptable and stands against democracy and freedom.

    The pouty-faced U.S. president clearly showed that he didn’t want to be with democratic allies, and would rather hang with dictators and authoritarians where he felt more comfortable.

    Trump decided to not take a helicopter ride to the WW1 cemetery, Aines-Marne American Cemetery and Memorial, because it was raining. A Trump spokeperson said, “The president didn’t want to get his frail hairdo wet, so he decided not to go. Instead, he sent Generals Kelly and Dunford to replace him.” Trump was overheard saying, “Let those two guys get wet. They are used to rain, since they are soldiers. I’m a very rich and famous businessman who gets driven everywhere and has people protect me from rainy days.”

    Prime minister Trudeau, Chancellor Merkel, and President Macron were seen huddled laughing together, no doubt, mocking the prissy, polarizing President Trump.

    A president insider spoke anonymously, “The president is like a scared cornered animal. He was shellacked at the midterms and hates losing. He is afraid that Mueller's investigation will cause a great fall.  And, when stressed he misses his bromance with Kim Jong Un when surrounded by real grown-ups. This is why he’s packing up his strawberry milk snack boxes and chocolate chip cookies and going back to the U.S. where he can be, once again, surrounded by his “poorly educated” fans he loves.”

  

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 The Trumpty Dumpty Report

    President Trump is slowly firing members of his A and B teams in order to bring in his D team. Everyone was gathered to the conference room by the First Lady wearing her “I don’t care. Do You?” jacket and her “diggin’ gold” yellow cap to inform the “teams” that they will be playing a new game. “You will be passing a potato all around throughout the day. And, when the president announces over the intercom to freeze, he will demand the person holding the Hot Potato to come forward and bow before your Great Leader. The Great Leader will then decide if you are In or you are Out! Doesn’t that sound fun?”

    H.L.S. secretary Kirstejen Nielsen whispered to John Kelly, “Mr. Pouty faced Bully Boy is taking out his anger out on us, since he can’t stand up face-to-face with Macron who basically told him he is a white racist. Pence’s personal valet, Nick Ayers, might be moved up to polish the president’s toilet seat. He bows to Ivanka and Jared, too. Deputy national security advisor Mira RIcardel apparently was seen shaking her head in disgust with Melania’s stupid arrogance. Melania was overheard telling the president, “She no longer deserves to honor and serve me!” Mattis is on the hot seat. Now that Sessions is gone to pasture among his KKK buddies, that criminal Whitaker is going to head the Justice department. That’s like a bank robber given the codes to a bank. Trump must really be scared of taking a great fall once Mueller files indictments. His narcissistic ego got a midterm smack-down after fueling his base into a voting frenzy to support his candidates, which fell flat. And now, he is still freaking that the recounts will further embarrass him. When Deputy chief of staff Zack Fuentes suggested to Trump that he not fly to the Paris cemetery in order to honor WW1 fallen soldiers some 50 miles away because of the rain, and agreed without debate, was humiliated by Macron and veterans for being a sissy, vain coward who did not want to get his hair wet. One Tweet said, “Oh, our MAGA president was scared off by some rain. To fail to honor our fallen soldiers who actually Made America Great Again was a rejection of their sacrifice. Trump never sacrificed a damn thing his entire life. No wonder he’s scared of a real person—Mr. Mueller.”