President Trump On Climate Change

The Trumpty Dumpty Report

The Idiot Russian Asset, President Donald J. Trump, declared on Black Friday, the country’s biggest shopping day, that climate change is a hoax. He believes that the idea of the globe increasing its CO2 load in the atmosphere, which is facilitating significant polar ice sheet and cap melting at an extraordinary rate is a result of the Forest Service and Californians not raking up enough forest floors and woodland floors fast enough in order to reduce the amount of wild fires.

    The Clown-in-Chief believes that all the cows in feedlots and farms are passing too much gas, and that Crooked Hillary is letting out too much hot air during her speeches, and that if only people would just stop barbequing so much, then climate change could fix itself.

     The President said that if this country, and other countries, were to fight climate change such action would hurt the economy. He has said, [It will] “probably change back.” He never said what it would change back to. Back to the Ice Age? A continuous rainy season? Sunny all the time so golf will become popular again?

    Trump said, “This is the coldest weather in the history of the Thanksgiving Day Parade in NYC, and one of the coldest Thanksgivings on record…..Brutal and Extended Cold Blast could shatter ALL RECORDS—Whatever happened to Global Warming.”

    Unfortunately, The Moron-in-Chief has no idea that there is a difference between daily weather forecasts and long term climate change. He is blind to the fact that climate change can change weather patterns in ways that causes harsher daily weather predictions, such as stronger winds, hotter weather, drier weather, colder weather and wetter weather than what had been experienced in past years.

    Even though the majority of worldwide climate scientists have repeatedly and strongly declared that the Earth’s climate is warming faster today than ever before and that this impact will likely cause tremendous suffering for today’s children and grandchildren as they become parents passing on this dangerous problem to further generations.

    Sadly, the Idiot-in-Chief feels coal is the wave of the future, instead of solar, wind, and geothermal. He likes coal. He gives it as gifts for Christmas. He loves to carry his big bag of coal and fill up the stockings of those in his family. Barron especially hates getting coal. It continually reminds him of his moron of a father.

   Also, last Christmas he gave his entire staff and cabinet a cookie tin filled with coal wafers. He was overheard saying, “Coal wafers are the most funnest gifts. I will be giving that California Democrat, Adam SCHITT (giggles were heard) a bucket of coal this year.”

    He once told a staff member, “We need to shutdown every single greenhouse in this country because they give off lots and lots of gases and we can’t have that if we are to Make America Great Again! Stop those greenhouse’s gases.”

    The president was told that if the climate continues to worsen, the nation’s bread basket will experience fewer crop yields of wheat, soybeans, corn and rice. His answer was, “Well, we will just have to eat more steaks. I love Trump steaks. They are the bestest steaks, ever.”

    The President was very upset that this government issued dire climate change report was dumped onto shoppers as they jammed shopping malls and roadways and parking lots. It was overheard by a source that said a presidential aide told the president that, “the federal government’s National Climate Assessment Report was dumped onto the nation and the world detailing a dire view of climate change on Black Friday.” The President’s response was, “Who took a dump? Hey, it wasn’t me! Was it Kellyanne? She’s always taking a dump. I hope someone cleans it up quick! If left unchecked taking dumps will become a real problem. Do I need to write a Presidential Order to fix this? WWOD? [What would Obama do?]