President Trump Meets With President Putin

President Trump met with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Finland for two hours in a private meeting. Upon exiting, Putin had a satisfying grin, no doubt, resulting from a successful programming session with Trump.

President Trump said to America, “It was a very, very good start for everybody. But, I think we will end up having an extraordinary relationship… I really think the world wants to see us get along. There are quite a few international problems and sensitive issues for us to pay attention to, but I’m not sure what they are. Vlad will have to brief me on them. He is a terrific guy. I think he likes me. Our relationship with Russia has NEVER been worse from many years of U.S foolishness and stupidity and now the Rigged Witch Hunt. We agree. Vlad says that Russia did not interfere with our elections, yet the Russian people say that if it happened, they are happy about it. I have to agree. Look. I am president and Crooked Hillary is not. I am better. I’m a terrific dealmaker. Vlad will tell me how we proceed from here. We have a chance to do great things. We both have made some mistakes. The probe has kept us apart. There has been no collusion. It was a clean campaign. I beat Hillary Clinton. Where is the server. What is server saying? President Putin says it was not Russia. President Putin was extremely powerful in his denial of interfering in U.S elections. President Putin offered to do his own investigation of these allegations. Why would Russia interfere with our elections? Vladimir is a terrific guy. He likes me and I like him. This relationship should have been established long before I became president. Now I am doing it because I am the best dealmaker ever.”

Putin stated, “Who says I trust Trump and he trusts me. I am glad Donnie became president. Russia had nothing to do with it. Where is the definitive proof that there was collusion? I was an intelligence officer myself. I know how to do secret stuff. I know nothing of compromising information about Trump when he was in Moscow. I did not know he was in Moscow at the time of this so-called video. President Trump believes me.”

When asked about the Mueller subpoenas of Russian military officials who have allegedly interfered with the United States, Trump responded, “President Putin denies such interference.”

When asked if he would request that President Putin extradite these  Russians for questioning. Trump responded by saying, “Witch Hunt. Vlad will do his own investigation. Why would I want to upset these delicate talks by wanting the truth?

Now, you must excuse us. We must open presents.”